You curl up and dream of the day that I can be there next to you. My tiny hands on your chest and you wrapped around me, protecting me from all the evils of the world. You grab your body pillow and pretend its me.You don’t know half of the atrocities I have been through. But can imagine there are a lot and they are painful because I refuse to talk about them. Your sweet tender happiness turns to melancholy as you tear yourself down, wondering why you are my number two, not my number one. After sadness comes anger, jealousy. Why do I ignore you at night? If I loved you enough, I would find time to text, somehow. You think of me loving him. Imagining him leaving kisses all over me, and me being completely happy with him. The jealous tears come out of you like rain.I cry myself to sleep. I got no response from you. I cry and then get up and go smoke. Staring at my phone as if to will it to say hello. Another cigarette down. I try to crawl back into bed, the emotional roller coaster of. I told him I was sorry and that I didn't know what happened, then he told me I had an orgasm. After that, I knew that my innocence was fading away. I couldn't believe I let him do these things to me. I've dated guys for months and never let them touch me. I guess it was because he was older, I felt he knew what he was doing. And just the thought of an older guy feeling me, it was foreign and I was curious. A few weeks passed and I haven't talked to him. He texted and called multiple times but I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue on. I was scared; only because i knew for a fact if I were to go out with him, I'd let him fuck me. I felt like such a dirty little girl, but I've been good all my life. It felt good to finally do something bad. I was addicted. I loved the sensual feeling. So one day, I texted back. And that night we agreed to meet up. He got to my house and I went into his car, straight to the back seat. We talked for a little bit, but he got straight to the point. He.
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